Paisley epic unlikely to get green light; not now, not ever.

According to a snippet on BBC Radio 4 this morning, the family of Ian Paisley has given its backing to a biopic of the big yin by playwright Gary Mitchell. The Hollywood (Co Down) rumour-mill is said to be working overtime speculating who will play the great man.

The Reverend Ian is said to favour Chuck Heston for his political correctness, Alzheimer's disease and having played Moses, a figure with whom Papa Doc strongly identifies.

Liam Neeson's name has, of course, been mentioned but it's unlikely that the big gangly Fenian taig will get a look in when the casting couch is wheeled out.

John Wayne turned the part down on the grounds of being dead and Gregor Fisher refused to speculate on whether he would bring Rab C Nesbitt (left) out of mothballs to tackle such a challenging role.

Equally problematic is the question of a title. The following have been mentioned as amongst those considered

1. Paisley: Lust for Glory
2. Red Hand of Darkness
3. The Unquiet Man
4. Yes, First Minister
5. Oranges are the only fruit
6. None dare call him Antichrist
7. The Paisley's not for turning
8. Londonderry Burning
9. Codename Lisburn

but the serious betting is on Dr Paisley's personal favourite: The Last King of Ulster