Tuesday, April 03, 2007

At the end of the day, loike

In an exclusive interview with Where Angels Fear, controversial Sunderland manager Roy Keane yesterday lashed out at his chairman's latest efforts in what is widely seen as a campaign for early canonisation.

The remarks came after the Black Cats' Chairman had paid £12,000 to taxi stranded fans back to the North East after an away game in Cardiff when they were ejected from a flight at Bristol Airport for not being proper Geordies.

Quinn has since forgiven the airline in his prayers and hopes that the staff of Easyjet will not suffer in the afterlife for their actions against the loyal disciples of soon to be St Niall.

Keane recently courted controversy when he kicked off about some of his former senior team mates in the Republic of Ireland side, including the Blessed Shay Given, regarding their willingness to collect caps for friendlies and other such insignificant matches such as the group stage of the 2002 World Cup.

The self-styled Caliph of Cork has now turned his attention to what he clearly sees as his chairman's profligate charm offensive:

All credit to Niall, but just because you paid £12,000 and organised taxis for 20 minutes you think you are a superstar or something, loike. At the end of the day, there's a fine line between loyalty and stupidity, loike, and that money should have been spent on the club, loike. That's all Oi'm saying loike. Not on a few lads who think that just because they're supporters the club owes them something. Nobody knows better than me, loike, that the club is the team and the team is me, so that money could have been better spent. That's all Oi'm saying, loike.

When our reporter suggested to the traitor of Taipan that his remarks might be ill-judged, Keane responded with his characteristic steely glare followed swiftly by a head-butt. The poor girl was escorted to a waiting ambulance (we always keep one on hand when the Cork man is interviewed). Keane was hustled from the venue by his minders, Wolf and Little Fang, muttering the following words:
At the end of the day loike, nobody knows anything better than me, loike.


Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. You'd think the mind-numbing repetition of the word loike wouldn't be funny, but it definately definately was. I would like to add that I'm not being sarcastic in the slightest.

Liam G said...

Thank you. Nice to know. It's hard to capture a Cork accent in text and that's as close as I could get. So are you saying that people from Cork talk funny then, now bhoy:-)?

Mairéad said...

My heart stopped for a moment when I read that post, and not in a good way! Ah Liam, Liam, Liam! Roy Keane is a legend and a fabulous human being. Cork people are fabulous human beings also, with fabulous, musical accents - call down and get to know us instead of mocking us!?

Liam G said...

Ah Mairéad, I love the good people of Carhk,, every man woman and sheep of them. Specially the ones with the funny, sorry I mean 'musical', accents, I do, yeah:-) Quinnie's gesture was just too tempting not to exploit for a crack at Roy. I have in the past been a regular visitor to the rebel county and have never been treated with anything less than warmth and hospitality characteristic of the region, provided I made it clear that I had no plans to come and live there, that is:-)